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| Vince and I on November 19, 1999, at our simple wedding at the Capital Hotel, Little Rock, AR |
Marriage… at times it makes us giddy with excitement and
other times it makes us crazy with anger.
I’ve been married for 13 years to my husband, Vince, and every day I
love him, but some days I don’t like him very much. I know he would agree because there are times he needs some
“away time” just to hang with the guys and watch football and not hear me nag
about finishing up household projects.
In the past six months, I’ve had at least four calls or
emails from friends telling me, usually in confidence, of their 10-20 year
marriages falling apart. Personal
friends, people I love, admire, respect, who have a foundation of faith in
God. Sometimes they are asking for
prayers, advice and understanding because, you see, I’ve been there
myself. I was married at 19 and
divorced at 24 (lets just chalk it up to being too young and not strong enough
to be my own person). Other times
these calls are just a “heads up” that something big is about to happen. 
Among my friends, the reasons are varied for parting ways
with their spouses. I cannot judge
them and, sadly, there are no real winners, especially the young children
involved. There are the awkward
moments of seeing the offending spouse and acting like you don’t know anything
about their home situation or that you only know the bare essentials of their
now status quo. You smile,
but your eyes are sad because you know there is hurt involved.
It always concerns me just a little when I see young ladies
in search of the fairy tale they think marriage is, but here’s the deal,
marriage is hard work, day in-day out.
The nice thing about it is that you aren’t in this journey alone and
every day you can be stronger in your relationship because you are growing and
learning together. Is my life and
marriage perfect? Of course not
and if someone tells you they have a “perfect marriage” don’t believe
them. From time to time I have to
remind my spouse that we have to grow together, to have common interest and
goals. Is all this hard work worth
it? Absolutely. I’m so thankful that my spouse
has patience and understanding and continues to love me when, at times, I am
sure I am a handful.
Obviously I do not advocate staying in a relationship with a
perpetual cheat, someone who is lying about a problem, or if there is some sort
of abuse taking place, but I think your heart tells you when you need to move
on for yourself, your children or even for your spouse’s sake.
Anyway, I write this for what it’s worth, I guess because my
heart is just heavy for these friends who are facing the holidays with a
feeling of loss and who are trying to put the pieces back together. They remain in my prayers, not part of my gossip. Thanks for letting me work through a bit of this sad news in a way I find comforting: writing.
Best,
M
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